As we can see I have added some more shots such as close ups as these make a connection between the audience and protagonist. I have also re done the car scene as the weather was different- in the previous shots it was sunny which didn't fit with the rest of my footage. I will also add another close up at the end of my short film of the protagonist.
Notes...
ReplyDelete- Longer fade needed at beginning before cat logo appears
- Titles are still not centralised
- Transition at 0:29 needs to be tightened up
- Phone sound needed at 1:22 (should be audible but quiet)
- In the shot at 2:47 some intercutting of POV shots to show him looking around would help connect us to him more
- The lighting at 3:02 needs a little tweaking - Francis' face bcomes blurry. You can do this using the lighting effects in PremPro.
- Still need a longer pause at 3:12 - I'm suggesting 2-3 seconds before the reverse.
- Need a 'reversed video' or 'rewind' sound effect to go with it.
- Ring tone needs to be louder in second sequence
- The LS of Francis at 4:51 can be cut altogether
- Titles at end also still not centralised
- Still need a better last shot
However, it works narratively and with the above tweaks I think it will be very good. I do also feel that a dramatic score to go with it would be a good idea, but I'll leave you to think on that one.
Mr. M.